The Best Way To Cure A Hangover
If you listen to your grandmother, she will tell you that the best hangover remedy is to avoid drinking and perhaps spend the evening playing gin rummy instead. But we are hot-blooded men, and we are not in the habit of listening to our grandmothers. In any case, letting granny win at gin rummy makes you an enabler, and we don’t want that, now do we?
My grandfather offered far more sage advice in this area, “never trust a man that has no visible vice, it just means his vices are hidden”. Being the trustworthy characters that we are, we enjoy putting a few back on occasion. Sometimes our trustworthiness gets the better of us and we suffer the consequences of our virtue.
Good men stand tall in the face of adversity and injustice. We do not retreat or lower our heads when the world seeks to punish us for our principles. Never! A man adapts and develops a cunning plan.
BACKED BY SCIENCE
The old school remedy, known as “hair of the dog”, which just involves drinking a bit more the morning after, may have something to it. Doctor Swift published one of the most cited research papers on hangover remedies in the 1990s. We should commend him for risking his scholarly reputation, in order to assist men to form cunning plans. One of the good doctor’s findings was that drinking the morning after can lessen the effects of a hangover. However, it not only lessens major symptoms but also prolongs the recovery period, which is not good.
The more principled remedies that are supported by science involve drinking lots of fluids and consuming carbohydrates. Heavy alcohol consumption results in dehydration, which is a cause of headaches and the general “pooh” feeling. Alcohol also tends to lower blood sugar levels, especially when you forget to eat during long drinking sessions. Science advises you to eat a hearty breakfast that is heavy on carbohydrates such as toast and chips. In keeping with this line of reasoning, it would also be perfectly acceptable to dowse your food with liberal amounts of tomato sauce or any other tasty condiment that has large amounts of hidden sugar in it. Now that is cunning.
I need Caffeine Right Now
Drinking tea or coffee does not address any of the underlying causes of a hangover but it does help with the symptom of grogginess. Some of you clever dicks may say that caffeine is a diuretic and it exacerbates the effects of dehydration. You are guilty of buying into “fake” science, my little Einstein. Recent research demonstrates that the caffeine content in coffee and tea is completely offset by the volume of liquid that you consume in a standard cup. You would need to drink more than ten cups for there to be any dehydration impact.
Any pain reliever that contains aspirin or ibuprofen will also help to combat the throbbing head phenomenon, but you should avoid Tylenol like the plague. This is because it contains a nasty thing called acetaminophen, which can put more toxic strain on your liver. At this stage, the plan would seem genius in its simplicity. Knockback some water or juice, get yourself some brekkie and drench it with yummy sauce. Then, treat yourself to a few cups of tea or coffee, and pop a few pills. Science has never been so easy and accessible. Who is that Brian Cox bloke?
THE THINKING MAN’S PREVENTION
Seeing as though a hangover is primarily about dehydration, liver strain, and loss of electrolytes, addressing these causes before they take effect is the cunning way. Once moderate dehydration has kicked in, you can resolve the problem in just under a day. Why not deal with it the night before?
Taking a multivitamin bomb with high amounts of B vitamins and zinc, just before you go out, will dramatically lessen the effects of a hangover. Unless you drink 20 pitchers of beer, in which case you would need a hospital. Drinking a glass of water after every four drinks or so will also help a great deal. You will make many trips to the gents during the night anyway, so a glass or two of water won’t stand in the way of your fun.
You are a principled man of science. Equipped with your “swift”, simple and cunning plan, you are now empowered to travel your path of righteousness. Never allowing life’s little put-downs to destroy your pursuit of a good time. Walk on, Johnnie, you are not alone. Guy Bible has a huge range of how to guides for men to get you through the day. Kill some time and have some fun exploring our site and realise you’re not alone in this weird old world